In case you're keeping track, here it is:
Worse (and Maybe Tragic) as an Adult
1. Falling down
2. Stubbed toes
3. Tilt-A-Whirls/ Teacup rides
4. Your clothes getting too small for you
5. Getting wet when you're trying to be dry
6. Cold water in swimming pools
6. Cold water in swimming pools
7. Sore Throats
I've had more than one discussion recently about how awful and scary it is to fall down as an adult. My friend JA covered that one nicely, here. To that I will also add that having other adults fall around you is scary as shit. Maybe even worse than falling yourself. When E and I were taking pictures in the church after our wedding, the photographer's wife posed the two of us near a pew, and then she just... Well, she just rolled down to the ground in slow motion. For no reason at all. And we stood there (I was holding a bouquet as big as my torso, E was holding me) looking at each other like oh God, this is on us, right? We stood there unable to move, and she lay on the ground unable to figure out what just happened to her. The seconds before we could get our hands out to help her up felt like hours.
When you're a kid, you fall all the time and you're just like, oh whoops, no biggie. You dust off your own little rear and run across the street so you can watch He-Man with a boy named Quentin. (No? Just me? I wasn't allowed to watch He-Man at my house. That's a whole other thing.)
I did my share of falling, is all I'm saying. Right up through high school and college dance, when I had a reputation for leaping hard without bothering to plan a landing. And then one day it got scary.
I've had this sore throat and I came here to whine about it. It. Was. Awful. I wanted to die, basically, which is my default position anytime something is wrong with my mouth or any other part of me belonging to the activity of eating. My throat has been on fire for three days and that meant no talking and not a lot of eating or drinking and you can already see why I'm in a mood, right?
I guess adults just assume that our default position is healthy/upright/fed/dry. When we fail to maintain that equilibrium, we get all pouty. And honestly, this does not disprove my hypothesis that we ask kids to suck it up and deal way more often than we should. When Henry had his tonsils out, I was astounded by the number of people who told me it was just easier on kids. Is it? Or do we just tell kids to knock it off and quit whining?
Meanwhile, I'm over here rolling on the ground and beating my fists against the carpet because I have a virus that wants to live in my talking and eating tube and I have to wait it out. It's not even strep (which you know I was hoping for because it would have meant: a) validation -- infections are the most excellent, "real" ways to be sick, and b) antibiotics, the quick fix I was sure I needed). Nope. #NotStrep. I am just "an incubus of viral plague" as Miranda Priestly says. My doc was kind to inform me that viral infections are more contagious than strep, too. You're welcome, family.
There are more important things in the world tonight. I know. But I just want to lay here and have someone bring me ice packs and Icees and run their fingers through my hair and tell me shhh, shh, it's going to be okay.
If you can't make that happen, at least pass me another Hot Toddy.