Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Sad Panda

Wish I was still here.

Wish I was still here.

My fight-or-flight response is going strong right now. And yes, for me, that's more like flight to my bed to hide under the covers. My ostrich reflex is amazing.  You know, head in sand and all that. It's one of those days when a glance at a beautiful flower or a song on the radio make me burst into tears about the impermanence of things. I need to get through this next week. I am feeling time pass one second at a time. Really, we're talking about pure, unadulterated and emotional Heather territory. When I go around saying I love people hard and I feel things deeply, this is the shit I'm talking about. Letting go is not my forte. I know there's not much to be done about change, but dammit I hate it like crazy. I like the word ephemeral and the idea that things are more beautiful and wonderful because they don't last -- but it's hard to put that into reality. I am stupid bad at it and this is when things get sloppy. Change affects relationships whether we like it or not and I am struggling to find peace with that.

Tonight I'm going to walk and look at the sky and focus on breathing. It's going to be okay -- I know it -- it just isn't okay yet.

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