Saturday, May 19, 2012

Good things

backyard


I did the dishes today.

I know, I know. Hold your applause.

Today I was ordinary and it felt great. Woke up, visited with my mom and dad, baseball game, homework, quiet night. It didn't feel like I had the energy to really enjoy it too much yet, but it was quiet and there was no pressing deadline, no angry parent emails or student papers nagging on my to-do list. I am so ready for a vacation from the judgement and from having to be something to other people. Ick.

Today was busy, but it was a preview of the kind of simple busy that makes my summers wonderful.

I even dragged our card table out into the backyard to write tonight. Our backyard is kind of jungly and crappy right now, but it sure beats sitting inside and look at a wall or the mountain of clean laundry. Outside it's easier to stare and think than it is inside, where all of my stares just land on things that need doing. Hurley played with a tennis ball and raced himself around the yard, and I put pen to paper.

All of that is good. This week took so much adrenaline that it wasn't until about 2:30 PM today that my body relaxed and I realized I haven't really eaten or slept in about a week. (Or that if I did, I was kind of out of it and don't remember. Either thing is bad.) Nothing brings me back to reality like staring down a blank page and trying to create a story out of nothing, either.

I have one school day left.  One ridiculous and poorly scheduled school day. Who ends school on a Monday? We do. So there you go. But I think the hard part is done.

Last night I got home early from an end-of-the year party and nobody was here. So I picked up my camera. And I drove over to the lake where I usually walk and sat on my favorite bench. I tried not to sing any songs in my head or think any thoughts or do or be anything; I just listened to trees and bugs and bikes. I stared (that's a theme this weekend, apparently). And I breathed. And when I was done I took some pictures. I watched the sun set on the lake.

And that was good too.

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