Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Bad Mommy.

I'm going to break one of my personal blogging rules and say something I promised myself I wouldn't say.

Exhausted.

I'm mad at my kid.

I don't typically let myself go there, but I think in the grand scheme this one isn't going to send her into therapy.  Or, at least, she'll find it charming enough when she's 30 that she won't mind that I complained about it to the world wide web.  Fingers crossed.

My girl is making me so angry.  Currently I'm sitting on the couch, foregoing a much-needed nap after a long day (after a long weekend)  while I wait for her to finish her homework.  Then we're starting night number two of Science Fair Extravaganza.  And that would be bad enough, in and of itself (what with my general lack of enthusiasm for science, right and wrong answers, kid projects that need parent-doing and, you know, work) but she's had six weeks to do this and she didn't tell me about it--at all--until Sunday night after I got home from Carmel.

Sunday night I was already exhausted from dealing with other people's children for three days.  When she told me she had a project due Wednesday (and why didn't she tell her father all weekend when I was gone?) I just about imploded right in the living room.

I have a packet of nonfiction work due on Wednesday, too.  I have not been procrastinating.  I've been working to schedule, but that schedule included a large chunk of hours Monday and Tuesday night that I'd spend wrapping things up, editing, and finishing critical papers.  Right now all of that is out the window.  If I would have known she had this due, at least I would have planned for that, too. I have no earthly idea when the work for my nonfiction class is going to get done, but I fear it's going to go something like this: "from three to five A.M. for the next two days."

I'm mad because I can't get mad and that is usually a pretty big trigger for my anxiety.  I can't get mad at her, though, or this thing won't get done and we'll all suffer.  Believe me, we all will.  When you're a teacher and your mom is a teacher and your kid goes to your mom's school, she's not going to not do the damn science fair project and get an A.  It just doesn't happen.  Like my dad always said, we don't get B's.

I'm also afraid that this demonstrates some kind of developing problem in her work habits, but I can't really deal with that right now, either.  There's no time to waste on long talks or crying jags.

The thing is that we have to focus on getting this done.  And yes, I mean we.  A fourth grader doesn't do any kind of project by herself.   Maybe I'm just exhausted from all the hours I put in editing her last project, a California Missions video.  I know there's no better way for kids to do stuff, but my patience is gone.  Hopefully E gets home soon and wants to take over again.

You have no idea how bad I want that nap.

2 comments:

  1. You are such a fabulous mom. This post reminds me of all the crazy projects I did as a kid (lots of videos and sugar cube castles and rainforest raps!) and I need to go thank my mom for helping with all I those right now !

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  2. Well, I don't know you but from what I've read you seem of sound mind and body ;). I understand breaking your rule but I'm going to say you are okay to be upset on this one. I'd be pretty ticked off. I'd let my kid know it, too. Fourth grade is old enough to have a calendar of some sort. She should have told you. Now that you DO have the info, does your husband not have the time to help? It must fall on you? Just curious. You are a good mom. She knows you love her and appreciates your helping. And I bet feels bad for not telling you until so late. Of course, she'll do it again. ;)

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