Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Impatient


Source: flickr.com via Heather on Pinterest


There's a danger in over-preparing, I think.  Or maybe the danger is in being adequately prepared, too early.  I think that's where I am right now--one crazy broad with too much time on her hands.  I got so worried that I'd forget to do something before I leave for my first residency that I spent my entire Thanksgiving vacation being Super Teacher.  I graded and recorded and made sure everything was perfect.  Only here's the thing about perfect: you can never really be it, you know?

I'm tired.

That's what happens every time I try to be it.

Of course I forgot to do 85 million little things and I'm spending my week rushing around even though I worked so hard last week.  Of course the nature of my job is that I spend 20% of my time dealing with work the first time it comes in (i.e. when it is due) and I spend 80% of my time trying to figure out how to grade and deal with individual assignments that come in late.  It's just part of how it is.  And I haven't been fielding a lot of parent emails, but there have been some.  There is just never a dull moment.  I kind of want to leave because I know the supply of "problems" everyone has will never end.  If I do my best to deal with everything before I leave, then I can just leave and tell myself it's not my emergency anymore.

I think what's beginning to happen now is that in my *cough cough* "free" time at home, I'm spinning my wheels.  I don't really know what this is going to be like--for crap's sake, I never even went away to college--so the best I can do is stock up on Cup o' Noodles and some instant coffee and Easy Mac and head for the desert on Friday.  College is all about instant foods, right?  Instant foods and alcohol.  At least that's what I hear.

I'm nervous about driving to Palm Springs.
I'm nervous about having to meet people.
I'm nervous about missing E and the kids when I'm gone for ten days.
I'm nervous about people reading my writing while I can see them.
I'm nervous about those same people, you know, talking to me about my writing.
I'm nervous about talking to other people about their writing.
I'm nervous about being nervous.

All of this is good, I know.  I've spent enough years trying to push senior AP students out of the nest.  Fly away, little birdies, it's good for you.

I'm gonna take my own advice if it kills me.  This is SO going to be wonderful.  I'm just ready for it to start, already.

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