Thursday, October 27, 2011

Torn


Photo on 10-27-11 at 8.56 PM


I realize life is a set of choices, but this week I really feel torn.  I am exhausted since I returned from New York. I am also way behind on my schoolwork for UCR since I returned from New York.

I meant to read when I was there.  I meant to write.  Neither of those really happened because after the first day of craziness we just really didn't have any down time.  Yes, I sketched out a very bare draft of a nonfiction piece on the plane ride home, but my mind was mostly on the 9/11 Memorial and it consumed my thoughts.  I wrote and wrote on that while we flew, and it eventually became yesterday's post.  It felt more important to get that down before I moved too far away from the experience.  I'm hoping I can turn that into a larger piece or use it as inspiration for a short story.  To be fair, I took a metric ton of pictures, so I have a lot of inspiration.  But actual work?  Not much.

Tuesday night I fell asleep at the computer while I was editing.  Yesterday I dropped into my bed at 3:00 PM like a ton of bricks and I didn't really recover for the rest of the night.  But I couldn't really relax--even in my sleep I was thinking about how I need to start finish reading Everything Is Illuminated and Some Girls before this weekend.  (And start writing a 12-20 page fiction draft?  Yikes!)  And that's my amended/ reduced reading list for the week.  I keep vacillating between the thought that maybe it's better to just take a day or two and get the rest I need and the thought that I need to just push on and get my work done like a big girl.

Usually what happens in this situation is that I do nothing.  I don't really sleep well and I don't really do any work.  Neither of those can be what happens, you understand.  I also don't want to put everything off until this weekend because I know I'll end up killing myself both days to get everything done and I won't feel like I had any time off.  I'm already running on about a week and a half with no rest day--that isn't going to make the situation any better.

As you can see above, Twinkle isn't encouraging productivity.  She's lobbying hard in favor of sleep.

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