Monday, June 27, 2011

Pity Party

Disclaimer: This post was written under the influence of a) girl hormones, b) 2 McDonald's cheeseburgers, and c) post-Dentist-office-visit-anxiety letdown.

I'm having a pity party and you're invited!

There are two things I hate.  Well don't nail me down on that one--I'm sure I'll come up with more than two.  But today there are two.

The first is the dentist.  There's just no escaping it.  It doesn't matter what eager dedication and well-intentioned spirit I bring to my dental hygiene.  I'm doomed to hear "uh, we found another cracked filling" or "this crown needs to be replaced" every. single. time.  GOD DAMNED DENTIST, I hate you.  Ugh.  And I'm sorry, I can act all kinds of Big Girl when I'm staring down a class of ninth graders, but when that drill starts to whine away in my mouth I want to cry that ugly cry where things come out of your nose and your face swells up like monkey bread.  This morning I was squeezing the corners of my eyes so tight I'm surprised a pearl didn't pop out.  Dammit.  I don't want the dentist to turn me into a simpering pile of suck, but there I lay in fear like I'm driving a one-lane highway and I might die at any moment.

So, yeah.  That.

...than a trip to the dentist.
Also for whatever reason I'm in a stretch where my attempts at planning are all falling heavy to the floor like a giant, dumb rock.  I keep trying to get things together, to make plans ahead of time and arrange for them properly, to do the right thing, and then it keeps not working.  I swear sometimes I'm better off when I sit around home and just don't try to do anything productive because there's no disappointment.

{pity party, pity party, pity party}

And that, my friends, is why I lean heavily in the direction of recluse.

Exhibit A in the case against good luck: at the cabin work weekend, I wanted to really get the ball rolling so we could use the cabin soon.  It's been a weird year with the late spring and early summer snow and we also had some pipe breakages up there in the freeze.  Until everything was fixed and the fire break is cleared around the cabin, we couldn't really use it.  So Friday I dove in headfirst and raked my little heart out.  But what else did I do?  Turn on the water, then turn on the electricity.  Oh, and I forgot to check to see if the water heater filled when I flipped the power to the water heater (because why would the valve into the water heater get closed??).  It didn't have any water in it for about an hour.  Empty water heater + electricity = bad.  And I know that!  Water heater? BROKEN.

Sigh.

And yeah I know E told me that he didn't think by the looks of the obliterated heating element that I could have done that in one day... but I don't believe him.  And then I had to go and leave my entire bathroom bag up there with my glasses in it.  Faily Failerson.

So for all of my wanting to make things right, I had to go and mess something up.  It's just been a string of the same.  A cornucopia of frustrations.  Good intentions, then things going awry, then spoonfuls of anxiety.

Exhibit B: I ran 'til I could run no more last week.  I ate well.  I spent two days straight doing hard manual labor.  This morning when I stepped on the scale I had gained three pounds.

Sigh.

I can tell it's still that kind of day today--I want nothing more than to go crawl into my bed and avoid talking for the rest of the day.  My therapist would call that "feeding my anxiety"... I'm not sure what to do.

Aaaand, I just got doorbell ditched.  By a kid from my school, who I could see clearly because I was sitting right by my front window.

Tie a bib on, Crazies.  You're going to the buffet.



2 comments:

  1. what in hells bells is going on lately? all kinds of things are falling through for me too. i almost lost my beans in traffic today when bikes were driving IN the lane not even attempting to move over to the side of the road.

    okay that last sentence had nothing to do with anything but my own frustration. wah

    i didn't return a call from the dentist today, but i will--mine has paraffin wax hand treatments and i could use one right about now. oh, and a cocktail. :(

    hang in there lady!
    carrie

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  2. who doorbell ditches their teacher? moron.

    hang in there lady! go treat yourself to a 6-pack of some tasty cold beer. that should help.

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