Sunday, June 05, 2011

I should be in bed...

It's late, I'm tired... but I started to write this as a status update on Facebook and I was exceeding the limits of decency with my word count.

What a great night.

E and I have had a rough week. There was some yelling. There were some tears. There were some long discussions. It makes me so tired sometimes to feel like we've played out the same conversation for twelve plus years. Sometimes I get scared that we've already been to hell and back--and I wonder what it can mean if we still have problems. How in this post-Retrouvaille marriage are we not always able to find the sweet spot of happiness and understanding? Even after we patched things the other night, I felt uneasy, like I needed some reassurance I'm not sure actually could come from him.

But tonight was easy. It was fun. We had sushi and then we saw a terrible movie at the drive-in. I pressed my fuzzy green socks against the cold windshield and wrapped up in my thick grey sweatshirt. I ate Winco sour worms out of a giant plastic baggie and topped them off with a Hostess cupcake. We didn't talk about anything important, but we just let ourselves be together in our big red truck.

Tonight was the kind of assurance that comes when you stop looking for it. The kind that's not tangible at all so much as it's just wordless affirmation that things are just as they should be--that you shouldn't have been getting so worked up over them in the first place, Dorothy Gale.

We came home to two snuggly cats and the kindest babysitter ever. The two best kids in the world were curled around each other in sleep, dreaming about their Sunday morning donuts with Dad.

I've been rolling this thought around in my head like a pinball for a few months: If you care for someone, the best thing you can do for them is to make life easier. It's all that really matters, right? You can say you love someone, but are you making their life easier or more difficult? I've been trying to let that color my actions. When K suggested she babysit regularly and that E and I make date nights a thing, I don't think I knew what a profound effect they'd have on our marriage. I know she knew, though, and that's why she has been volunteering. I'm grateful for how she's made life my easier. It's working.

And I'm grateful for E. I thought about this tonight as we rode silently for a short while to the drive-in. There's a quote (that I won't Google right now because I'm too tired) that says something to the effect of true friendship being when the silence between two people is comfortable. Ours is. Not strained or awkward or tense, just comfort like the sway of a porch swing. We had a good night of silence and talking and listening to 90's music and complaining about a movie together.

Don't waste your money.

What a great night.


  1. I wholeheartedly agree with the silence thing. That IS the ultimate sign of comfort with another person.

    Glad you had a good date night! But you didn't like Hangover 2? I thought it was funny, but definitely not as good as the first.

  2. Can't remember.. did you see Bridesmaids? I liked it better than Hangover 2.