Friday, June 24, 2011

About school

I'm getting impatient for my grad school program to start.  Like, I better not go into a Staples or an Office Depot any time soon or my love of school supplies and my over eager new student tendencies will merge into one giant T-Rex of awkward anticipation.  I don't start at UCR until the end of September (I think... can you believe I don't really know? But I keep emailing the office just to make sure I'm not missing anything and they keep sending me what I believe are varying but really polite versions of "listen, Monica Geller, you're going to have to calm down now, mmkay?  Because school ain't starting for a while, so cool it sister."

Anyway, all this waiting is great because it gives me plenty of time to worry about things... and to invent some new things to worry about that I never considered before.  It's an anxiety-ridden teacher's dream.

These are the things I wonder:

1) Will they expect us to come in and know what we want to write about?
2) Will they want to break us down and make us think a new way, or are we expected to bring our own ideas about writing, process, etc to the table?  (This question is obviously born out of seeing law school break E down into a shuddering, simpering, twitchy--mess before he could begin to think like a lawyer.)
3) Will everyone in the program be cooler than me?
4) Will everyone in the program be a giant nerd? (This could be awesome or terrible.  Depends on the nerds.)
5) Will I fall back into my rut of introversion or will I be able to meet people?
6) What if I am terrible at this?
7) What if my professor is a douchebag?
8) What if my professor thinks I am a douchebag?
9) What if I REALLY AM a douchebag and everyone knows it but me?  What if I find this out in school?
10) What if using words like douchebag on my blog makes me a terrible horrible no good very bad writer?
11) What if school makes me hate writing? (Variations: writing, talking, learning, my job)
12) What if school takes over my life?
13) What if nothing comes of this degree?
14) What if I hate it?
15) Will I be able to do this?

To be continued...

1 comment:

  1. Waiting is the worst for us worriers. Ugh.
    And douchebag is a totally blogworthy word. Umm hmm, even just typing it is fun.