I was 31.91 years old.
Last week I gave my combo-food finickiness a whirl after jogging a few laps with Roo. I don't mean to sound like a big food-waster (even though I am) but I think there's something sick about most combo foods. There's no logic or reason to this preference, so just abandon hope of finding one right now.
I thought I'd give peanut butter pretzels another shot. I hoped that my childish disgust for such things had faded along with fear of brussels sprouts and inability to call adults back. Nope. Peanut butter? Good. Pretzels? Good. Peanut butter inside pretzels? Goes against nature.
|Just look at them. So smug.|
If God wanted there to be peanut butter inside my pretzels, I'm sure they would grow that way on the pretzel tree.
Dipping is another subject altogether. Please don't interrupt while I'm ranting.
Let's see, other examples of gross food combos... Cheese and crackers ain't great either, if we're being honest. The "cheese" is less like cheese than it is like orange Oreo
The only exception to this made up, ridiculous rule is Chocolate, which God created to go with everything. Amen. (See: Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in the Book of Awesome.)
I also don't really like it when a "food" (note air bunnies?) is created just because 99% of our "flavors" (there they are again) are made up so they can be put anywhere. Par example: Just because popcorn is a thing and jellybeans are a thing, doesn't mean we need popcorn flavored jellybeans as a thing.
For the love of God.
I have to believe that if there's some teleological purpose, popcorn jellybeans are evidence that we've effed it up. There is no possible end game that involves those abominations, ergo we're doomed.
Other bad idea combos: Lunchables. Where the "lunch" is hardly "able" to hold a candle to such upstanding citizens of the deli counter as lunchmeat and (again) cheese. The combo somehow means quality goes out the window. Look, we cry, things in containers. I don't have to do the work of thinking about what I like to eat with other foods.
I'm getting pretty grumpy as I write this post and that's pretty ridiculous. This all started with me laying in bed thinking about how lame peanut butter pretzels are. The part of me that's rational also wants to add the caveat that meat wrapped in anything is the other exception to this rule (see: corndogs).
I was going to give you a list of other examples, but basically anything shaped like a nugget with goopy stuff inside? Not a fan. Don't send me pro-PBP hate mail. I'll just delete it. You'll never change me because I'm a cranky old woman.
Of course, I could be off my rocker and in ten years we'll all be surviving off peanut butter pretzels because the sun burned up and they're the only thing that exists after the nuclear holocaust. In that case, I owe you a nugget.