Saturday, February 26, 2011

On trust

This morning I've been reading my notes from our Retrouvaille weekend.  It's helpful to me to read things that I was thinking two years ago, but also the things I was hearing at that weekend.  So much of it was profound and it changed how I think about marriage.  

I'm still in a tough spot.  I feel like I need to be actively working on our relationship but I'm unsure what that should look like on my end.  This particular excerpt from my notebook* (from February 2009) spoke to me today so I thought I would post it.  Trust is something I'm thinking about a lot.

Trust Again

Fear = emotion

Trust is a decision I can make in spite of my fears.

The #1 enemy of trust is fear.  Rawr.

H-honesty
O-openness
W-willingness to change

}regaining trust
}rebuilding trust

not at the same time.  slow process

Honesty
-key to trustworthy behavior
-focus on decision to be honest
-long time to gain, only a moment to crush
-you control your own trustworthiness
-honesty includes reliability and integrity

Openness
-a spouse sees you taking a risk, begins to believe in commitment
-share feelings in a dialogue
-share needs, expectations
-positive versus negative attributes

Willingness to change
-decide what changes you need to make
-risk being vulnerable
-daily actions--something gently, little surprises
-positive versus negative self-talk
-affirmation: confirm to spouse they are loved and valued--affection, thoughts, words, deeds
-unselfish love
-take time to make changes

We need other humans to affirm us.
--communication

Our attitude toward each other conveys honor or dishonor
--conditional acceptance

In what way am I willing to change to help build trust in our relationship? How do I feel about my answer?


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*my personal notes on the presentation at Retrouvaille