Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Little randoms from today:

Yup, that was me you just saw squatting in the middle of the mall trying to clean an escalator grease smudge off my new running shoes with a feminine hygiene product.

Scene of the crime.
They were this clean for all of five minutes.
You see, Buddy Boy choked and let go of my hand just as we were supposed to step on the escalator, and as I Jetson-familied away from him, he yelled out MOMMY COME BACK! So I ran back up those moving stairs like Rocky on crack... and I greased my BRAND SPANKIN' NEW WHITE TENNIES in the process.  As soon as I reclaimed my nervous boy, I copped a squat in the middle of the mall and rummaged through my purse (in vain) for a Kleenex; I improvised with the next best thing.  I will do you the courtesy of not posting a pic.

I know you're like PDawg, you go to the mall? I thought you were all Walmart, all the time?  Not really a mall chick, honestly.  I don't have money for such things, but I did have like eight hours of time to spend on trying to fix my iPhone today.  It hasn't had any wifi abilities since a month after I got it (it was a replacement for the first iPhone, which also had a hardware problem) so I spent the better part of my day on the phone with Brett--ha, soap opera name!--who assured me in his best beachy Ken doll voice that things would get taken care of, pronto.  Well, they were taken care of and I don't really mind that it wasn't so pronto since Brett was so darn nice to me.  (Hi.  I'm an affection whore.)  Once we figured out that there really was no solution, the Apple store guys were nice to me too.  Nothing like a company that hands you a free phone when the original one they made craps out.  Not too shabby, Apple.  But seriously--throw a rock in that store and you'll hit a tall skinny white guy.  Am I right?

As Henry and I were leaving the store--well, as we were leaving the mall, post awkward hygiene product usage--we followed these two young Asian girls outside.  You know the kind, all malled out on Daddy's money in clothes that aren't really made for a chubby girl?  Like they're rockin' those cheap mall trends SO HARD because they are going to be so effing hawt no matter how badly the clothes fit?  So we're following them and Awkwardly Bulging TooShortPlaidBeltedShirtDress says to Purpleandblackstriped MockGoth Legwarmers "you better go do it.  I'm serious.  Do it or you'll regret it.  Have you seen my stomach?  Have you seen those stretch marks?  It's like Google effing maps."

To which the other $5 fashionista replies "ew, Google Maps?  That's gross."

"Yeah.  Serious.  You get those stretch marks and you can KISS YOUR LIFE GOODBYE."

Bwahahahahahahahhahaaa.  I was choking on my own laughter/breathable air.  *snort*  Um, okay.  I get the whole Google Maps reference--my midsection has been kinda mappy since '02--but life over?  Not so much.  And what had she just been telling the other girl to do?  Almost felt like I was teaching, what with overhearing all the ridiculousness and pretending not to.  My poker face must be so strong.

Speaking of Poker Face.  Gaga's new video?  Wow.  That's a whole lot to process.

Okay, so we leave the mall and we go to Whole Foods because I'm out of bread flour, eggs, Greek yogurt, and organic produce.  AND YOU GUYS, I managed to get out of there for $43.23.  I'll wait for your applause.  Seriously.  I'm so proud.  I'm like a grocery ninja.   And I love that if I have to drive home from Whole Foods, I have to drive by the strawberry stand, so naturally I've got a half flat of yummy in my fridge... I also scored a bag of zucchini for a dollar and some more blackberries.  WHAT NOW! PRODUCE DRAWER, PWNED.  I kind of like that I don't have anything to think about lately besides what I eat and when I exercise and/or play with Henry.  Good times.



3 comments:

  1. where did you find zucchini for a dollar and fresh blackberries? please tell. :-) i'm dying to make blackberry cobbler!

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  2. Hey Katie--found the blackberries and zucchini at the strawberry stand on Watt Ave North of Calvine. The one sort of across from the driving range? I'm sure you've seen it. Great strawberries, pretty good blackberries, and cheap zucchini from time to time.

    I also get blackberries from the farmers' market on Saturday mornings--the berry guy on the end close to Sports Authority has blackberries and strawberries all summer.

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  3. Great post! LMAO! You should come sit in my office during lunch. You wouldn't believe the things I hear. Everyday I have to remind the group that I am in the room and can hear them! :-)

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