Friday, May 14, 2010

Yawpy yawp yawp. Ohmmmm...

Spiderwebbed with cracks, the pavement hissed yesterday at the drool of the lazy hose. The sun warmed the ground, but my hands hung dumb at my side as a grey chill settled into my bones. Earthy scents infused the backyard air, shouting life goes on whether you feel up to it or not.

It's been a challenging week. I'm not one who takes my relationships lightly, and I've been reluctant to post anything out of a fear that I'd betray people in my life who are important to me. Though E doesn't mind my airing issues in our marriage, there are certainly other people and friends in my life who didn't sign up to be a part of the little barbaric yawp that is my blog. This week is further proof that relationships force us to grow, that people are flawed--especially me. While I still have a lot on my heart, it has been healthy for me to spend some time in reflection and prayer.

I wanted to share something here because it (along with the advice of my mom) was incredibly helpful in bringing me peace yesterday. I believe that I've mentioned before that when my worry or stress get the best of me, I rely heavily on meditation. I know that word scares some people and it's a joke to others, but it's a non-chemical way for me to gain peace. I find that it's generic enough that it doesn't interfere with what I know to be true, in fact, it dovetails quite well with my belief system and the way I pray.

One good thing about gaining peace in a difficult situation is the ability to move forward. Worry always makes me feel paralyzed and stuck. Once I was able to view my feelings from a different perspective and let some things go, I could then take action to make things better. My peace often comes in the form of a guided meditation, which (since we live in the digital age) often comes in the form of a podcast. There are several that I use, and sometimes I just lay and listen to quiet music, but I like one called The Meditation Station (I know, sounds dorky but it's not) on iTunes. It's a free downloadable podcast.

This is the meditation I found so helpful yesterday, so I thought I'd share it here (attribution at the end):
State your intention: What is it that you want the end result of this exercise? What’s the solution? Or simply say this to yourself: From this day forward, I am in control of how I feel and how I act. I intend to be in balance with my emotions and I love the feeling of this balance. I act in ways that promote peace and harmony. I am loving, kind, and generous in forgiving others.

Even though I may have experienced jealous feelings in the past, I am ready to remove these jealous feelings now. Even though I may have let my imagination turn something into more than it really was, I am ready now to use more control.

I activate the part of me that is kind loving and respectful to the person I am thinking of now. I give this love and kindness freely.

I am forgiving and I promote peace and love.

I feel at rest when I am confronted with a situation that was once painful. These are distant memories. The wounds are healing more every day.

I foster goodness wherever I go. I make others feel welcome and wanted, regardless of the faults they may have.

I activate the peacemaker in me. I want peace in my life, so I play a major role in promoting it and acting in a peaceful and calm manner.

I activate that part of me that is strong and has emotions in balance.

I am thoughtful and remember that all of us make innocent mistakes, including myself, so I forgive.

I am patient, and willing to take time needed, no matter how long, to heal and work through troubled times. I am careful with my thoughts, so as not to bring more negativity into my life.
No matter what feelings of jealousy or anxiety I am feeling, I love and forgive myself completely.

I let go of any need or feeling that I must be in control of the situation, or in contol of any other person.

I activate the part of me that allows trust into my relationships.

I activate the part of me that nurtures this trust, and I use it to build up my relationships.

I let go of stories that I may play out in my mind that cause harm or damage to my relationships. I end those now, and I let them go.

I recognize my own accomplishments. I deeply appreciate how far I’ve come. I am grateful for the growth I’ve already made in this area.

If felt threatened by certain situations in the past... or if I perceived that someone else might be better than me in any way, I release this way of thinking now.

I no longer compare myself to others. I place great value on my own growth.

I activate the part of me that feels that I am of value, that I am of worth, that I am important.

I activate the part of me that is kind, loving and respectful to my partner or to any other person I am thinking about right now. I am ready to give this love and kindness freely.
I love and accept myself completely.

Take a minute to relax and think about something good that has come about for you because of this relationship. Think about how good it will feel to have peace and complete freedom surrounding the both of you, and whatever actions you can now take to make this happen. Make sure to be patient and kind.

Paraphrased from Stin Hansen, Meditation Station Podcast #9, Release Jealousy and Anxiety, © copyright, fit mind body 2005-2007
No matter what anyone thinks about meditation, that's certainly great food for thought. All relationships are hard. Especially good, meaningful ones. But people who you love are worth the work. I remember the priest at Retrouvaille saying that we have a duty to be honest to people that we love, but we should share that honesty with gentleness. In my own life I want to practice more gentleness with the people in my life, and with myself.

I don't know what this weekend holds, but I'm concentrating on creating stillness, on promoting peace and harmony. I'm reminded of this:
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
This weekend I wish you all peace. Thanks for being patient while I worked my way back to posting.


  1. Thank you so much for sharing, Heather. All relationships require constant maintenance, and thankfully, God equips us with all that we need to make that happen. Good for you for working THRU it instead of going AROUND it. Much easier said than done. Blessings and peace to both you and E.

  2. I love your imagery—the drool from the hose? So real!

    Your words about meditation struck a chord. I love the thoughts here.