Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Some things I've been thinking about...

1. When I die, please--no matter how awesome you think I am--for the love of God, don't immortalize me in white stick-on letters on the back of your pickup. I'm sorry, but R.I.P. anybody on the back of your sweet sweet Ford just makes you and the person you're memorializing look like tools. And the same goes for awkward calf tattoos of faces with dates under them. The portraits always kind of remind me of black-toothed zombies. Both (trucks, legs) seem to be a memorial trend lately, and I would like to pass on both right now.

2. Here's to you, Subway employees, for not having any napkins inside your store where customers can get to them. And here's to you AGAIN for handing me two sad little paper towels when I spilled my giant iced tea all over the tile. Ka-booosh... *golf clap*

3. In the category of "this is why we can't have nice things," I fumbled my (gifted) Coach wallet right into the path of the oncoming stream of the aforementioned iced tea. So if anybody knows how to get iced tea out of an expensive white cloth wallet, I'd like to know. See? This is why I can't have nice things. April gave it to me as a castoff and I'm eternally grateful, but I have to admit that carrying it around just makes me kind of nervous. Now you see why.

4. I have to remember what it means to be Heather again, and not Mrs. P. Mrs. P has to watch what she says all the time and then feel guilty about it later. Mrs. P has to wear pants and shoes and can't wear spaghetti straps. Mrs. P has to worry about where she'll be standing the next time she hears "Mrs. P? Is that you????????" and whether she'll have two Pacificos in her hands or all her junk covered up at that time. Mrs. P has to be nice to people and their moms in the grocery store. Mrs. P can't go to Costco and fill a cart with tequila, underpants and condoms. Well, she could, but she'd feel real embarrassed about it. So I'm looking forward to a little bit of peace that comes from shedding the schoolteachers' cloak of whatever it is schoolteachers wear... summer means at least a bit of authenticity.

5. I'm in love with Kenny Rogers and I don't care who knows it.

6. Glee is getting kind of boring. I find myself fast forwarding to the songs and even skipping most of those if they don't have dancing in them. There's no Pillsbury-Shue tension anymore. Boo.

7. I'm just going to say it. I like bandana-ed, eyeliner-wearing has been rockers as much as the next guy, but I feel like Bret Michaels won Celebrity Apprentice FOR NOT DYING. I know that's wrong of me to admit, but it smacks of the sympathy vote. I know that you're wondering why I've taken a serious interest in the fairness of the inherently ridiculous and unfair Donald Trump reality contest, but that's not the point. It's like when they gave Heath Ledger the posthumous Oscar for being the Joker. IT WASN'T THAT GREAT YOU GUYS. I mean, give homeboy an award if he deserves it--for something like Brokeback Mountain, sure. But don't just give him an award because he ran around and acted crazy in some makeup and then got dead and you feel bad about it.

8. Two dreams I've had in the last two nights: 1) I kept finding money in pockets and old purses. (Must be good, right?) and 2) I am trying to buy makeup for a good friend and I keep buying the wrong thing. (Who even dreams about such a ridiculous thing as that?)  I'm not sure what, if anything, this forecasts for the week ahead.

9. Lost was awesome. I think I need to post about it.

10. I want to learn how to make some good Sangria.


  1. I can help you out with the Sangria recipe. Everytime I make mine, people rave over it and ask for the recipe. And if you are a lightweight like me, one tall glass does the trick in making a bad day a fabulous one. Or even a good day one of your best ever!

    As for Subway and no napkins, being the business major I've always wondered how much money they save on napkins by doing that.. it definitely makes me think twice about how I use my napkins while there.

    Last, but not least, would the friend you were trying to buy make up for happen to be ML? She is the queen of trying out new make up :) Love her!

  2. #1 made me laugh out loud. i totally agree. i also think it's creepy when they wear t-shirts with the deceased's photo on them with the date - why isn't a headstone enough anymore?
    #7 - right on. finally, someone said it. :-) thank you.
    #6 - aw, Glee is still rad, if not just for Kurt and Sue's one liners!

  3. Hi Heather!
    I love this WHITE sangria...

    Instead of the soda water and simple syrup, I substitute sparkling lemonaide or limeaide from TJs.

  4. Wanted to make you feel better about your wallet...... I dropped my coach purse in the toilet at nugget while trying to wipe my daughter. So, if you end up with a way to clean ice tea out of your wallet let me know. Maybe it will get public toilet pee water out of my purse!
    Alicia King

  5. Hey there, ask Travis about Sangria, he makes the best! As for #8:"To see or win money in your dream, indicates that success and prosperity is within your reach. Money may represent confidence, self-worth, success, or values. You have much belief in yourself. Alternatively, dreaming about money, refers to your attitudes about love and matters of the heart. It is frequently a symbol for sexuality and power. In particular, finding money indicates your quest for love or for power."

    "To dream that you are applying make-up, suggests that you are trying to cover up or conceal an aspect of yourself. Alternatively, it indicates that you are putting on your best face forward. You are trying to enhance your self-image and increase your sense of self-confidence. The dream may also be a metaphor that you need to "make up" with someone. It is time to forgive and forget.

    To dream that you are wearing too much make-up, indicates that you are putting more emphasis on beauty and outside appearances rather than what is inside."- So.. someone you know needs to forgive or get over themselves?

  6. "Mrs. P can't go to Costco and fill a cart with tequila, underpants and condoms."

    Hahaha! UNDERPANTS?? What happened to Chonies?

    Oh, and K-Rog is awesome. You can love him out loud all you want. You know who else is awesome? Randy Travis. Isn't his song, "Forever and Ever Amen" the fucking cat's meow? Seriously.

    "As long as old men sit and talk about the weather. As long as old women sit and talk about old men..."

    I get chills.