Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Christmas Eve Eve

Just some fair warning: I'm writing this right now and pretty much all I've eaten all day is homemade Chex Mix. This means I probably have the daily salt allowance for a mid-range Yak in my system, but I'll try not to be too weird. I'm actually DONE with all of my Christmas duties EARLY and all that extra energy is asserting itself in some strange ways... like the aforementioned craving for a large church-stone-soup-sized-tureen-worth of Mix. But it's sooooooooo good.

So seriously, I don't know what's with me. I didn't do ANY shopping this year. Not one trip. Not even to the Wal Marts. E handled all of it. Normally that's my deal but I was so tired from finishing up so many crocheted goodies that I couldn't muster it. Plus I was crocheting to my little heart's content right up until yesterday. I'll post pictures of all the blankets after Christmas, but suffice it to say it has been like a sweatshop around here. I don't think someone has ever used this much yarn between Halloween and Christmas. (I did do all the wrapping, though. Yes, that's the sound of my own horn. TOOT.)

Christmas baking has only consisted of chocolate chip cookies and Chex Mix so far. I don't really have anybody I need to bake for, so I'm mostly making things that we can consume in lieu of generic brand snacks at Winco. I don't think I've ever stretched the grocery budget so far. It's amazing what we've done this month. Simultaneously frustrating and amazing. It helps nothing that we've had about four major ant attacks; I can't keep a bag of Cheetos in this house to save my life. Yeah God, I hear you. No more with the Cheetos. You didn't have to send the ants to tell me, though. Okay--maybe.

But yesterday right in between the last slice of turkey in the bag of lunchmeat (you know the kind--ultra cheap and ultra thinly sliced and kind of delicious?) and another night of the monkeys playing arcade style Ninja Turtles on the Xbox, E got two job offers. TWO JOB OFFERS, both with the State. This is our Christmas miracle, as my friend ML so aptly stated. As if being not divorced wasn't enough of a miracle to celebrate, this is by far the next best present we could receive. It has been tough times around here. We're so lucky that we have people around us who kept us afloat. Every bag of groceries helped, and we're still going to be able to give the monkeys a great Christmas, albeit a small one. So the promise of full-time, stable employment in a 9-5 situation is just such a blessing. It's peace of mind.

E was working for the state when we were in college, and he's returning to the same position. It's not grand, but it's a foot back in the door and now it will be easier to try at higher positions. But I can't overstate the significance of a paycheck--we've been scrimping on my income for about six years, and we were using extra help from financial aid all through law school. Since he graduated it has been hard. This will mean we can get caught up. I'm so happy.

I'm still reading The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver (and still loving it!) and today I was thinking about a quote I love from my first favorite, Animal Dreams: takes your sleeping self years to catch up to where you really are. Pay attention to your dreams: when you go on a trip, in your dreams you will still be home. Then after you've come home you'll dream of where you were. It's a kind of jet lag of the consciousness.
My dreams have definitely not caught up to this good news yet. Last night I woke at about 4:00 AM because I'd had another in a series of terrible dreams over the last few weeks. Bonus: this one resulted in a full-blown anxiety attack. Good times, Psyche. Good times. Thanks for that. So with nothing better to do (and nothing outside of the warmth of my bed I felt compelled to get up for) I lay there and just let it happen. Eventually I went back to sleep, but I'm looking forward to the worry that's plagued my sleep taking a big shuffle-off-to-Buffalo. We're not on solid ground yet, but there's enough hope in all this good news that my dreams should start to catch up.

At least I think so. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


  1. Yay! Congrats E! And Merry Christmas Heather! May your sleeping self catch up on the good news in 2010.

  2. Yay! I'm so glad to hear things are starting to look up!
    Y'all deserve a little break!