Monday, November 02, 2009

Holy moley, Oma!

I was quoted this morning on another blog that I wholeheartedly adore, Travelin' Oma. I also feel really, really terrible about the fact that I started doing the "School Days" blog post assignments and then I quit pretty early in the term. It's a nice meaty writing blog and I've enjoyed reading her posts even when I haven't had time or sanity to complete an assignment.

But seriously, you guys. Yay. How nice to get an email this morning from Oma herself--Marty--letting me know that she'd linked to me.  I couldn't click over to her blog fast enough.

I'm also (as I posted on her blog) totally regretting yesterday's post about finding a flea in my ear/on my Q-tip. HAS THERE EVER BEEN ANYTHING NASTIER THAN THAT? I wish I could stuff that post away like the unfolded laundry I shove behind the closed door of my bedroom when company comes over. Oh well. We are what we are.  I am a thinly-veiled disasterpiece.

Today has been a strange day. The kids in my class are all doing the post-mortem discussion of Homecoming. I happily celebrated my freedom from all things Homecoming all week only to have my principal come to visit me to ask if I'd be interested in thinking about taking on a new position for the school anytime in the future--one that would... wait for it... necessitate going to a ton of student activities. Hmmm. That's all. Hmm...

Anyway I wonder sometimes if these kids have any idea that the teacher that's overhearing them reconstruct their drunken blackouts and hook-ups from the post-dance parties is the same shy girl that was excited just to hold hands and slow dance with Gluten-free E at her first Homecoming, and whose knees melted like butter after a closed-lip kiss on the front porch that same night. I know that kids assume I'm something I'm not all the time--hard to be a teacher without appearing outgoing, and young + outgoing = cool, right?  If they only knew... I have such happy memories of that time and I'm glad it was so innocent. I wish that hand-holding and slow-dancing could be that electric all the time. Okay... the innocent, nervous smooching too.

The visit from the principal last week really drove home a point: I'm at a crossroads again. I don't know what to do with my life, and I'm 30 years old. Sure, I have a great career that I could do until I retire, but I don't want to. I've got so many "what if"s on my brain lately. What if I went to law school? What if we had another baby? What if I stayed at school but took a different position? It's a blessing to have options, but they're mutually exclusive. I've been spending a lot of my time thinking about what the future holds, now that E's academic life and our marriage have stabilized. I feel like it's my turn, but I also feel guilty about feeling that way. I also wonder sometimes if I should just be happy with "good enough" when it comes to my job--just so we can live a more peaceful personal life for a while.

All that's on my brain, plus I have lesson plans to write for ballet tonight. The extra hour was great this morning, but when I'm still teaching ballet and it feels like 8:15 instead of 7:15 I'm going to want to crawl into a knothole in the floor. *sigh* I'm such a pessimist on Monday and Tuesday, and I think it's because I get myself worked up in preparation of two long and difficult days. So far, today has been pretty good. I'm hopeful it will continue that way.

Crochet update:

I didn't have enough time on Saturday to go buy new brown for the other blanket, so I just started a different one.  This one's about 2/3 of the way done.  BEAST MODE.  I'm a crocheting machine!

1 comment:

  1. Would you do it? The job that would require to do lots of activities?? That was always my dream job. . . well, until I actually became a teacher.