Thursday, October 15, 2009

Cold weather fashion fail

No pictures today.  Just plain ol' text.  BORING.  Too tired to deal with images.  Do your thang, words.

Today was the day of being improperly dressed.  No, not like that.  Like I'm always a day behind the weather improperly dressed.  I've been cold for the last two days, so I wanted to be nice and cozy today.  I also knew it was going to be an earthquake drill day which would mean standing in the parking lot (after the whole duck and cover deal) so I didn't want to wear anything that would make me freezy.

FAIL.  What did I choose first?  A  wool turtleneck sweater.  When I put it on, I realized if I lifted my arms (as I am wont to do when teaching) my sad ol' lady tummy showed.  No, no, no.  Must keep the illusion alive that I don't look like a wrinkly mess under this glossy exterior.  I took the sweater off and put on a black racerback tank, then layered the sweater over.  Cute, but I basically managed to make a warm thing even warmer.  I decided I needed to wear boots in case it was wet out on the softball field where we were going to have to stand.  This was the point where I wondered why I don't own any flat boots.  Seriously, four pairs of heeled boots.  I guess the Ugg crocheted deelies are, but they're basically just glorified slippers.

Anyway, you know how this goes.  Boots necessitate skinny jeans, and I'm pretty sure me rocking my skinny jeans (and subsequent ice cream cone legs) for two days in one week is a PDawg record.  I didn't really like it--I was feeling more ice cream cone than slim jim today--but I figured it was better to keep my jeans on the inside of my shoes in case the monsoon of Tuesday returned.  I didn't want to be so absorbent from the knees down.  I hate sitting at work with half-wet jeans, and I envisioned myself leading the teeming hordes across puddles of Odysseyian proportions with my boot-clad calves. I put on my (FIERCE) black and grey boots, failing to remember how much they make the balls of my feet ache by the end of the day.  AND THEN just because I'm awesome, I layered my purple wool knee-length coat over the whole ensemble.  Awesome, but not smart.  To my utter delight, it was sunny all day.

Again, what was I thinking with all those hot layers?  I was at school for all of 20 minutes when I started to sweat.  I took the coat off at my meeting, but I was still dying--serious, big-guy-at-the-gym-in-an-old-yellow-T shirt buckets of sweat.  At least wool doesn't show sweat stains--it wouldn't have been pretty.  Once I was in my own classroom I could take the coat off again, but I was so HOT.  I'm such a meanie.  I made the poor kids suffer--air conditioning turned up full blast, all day.  It still felt like an Orlando summer right there under my top.  Then came the earthquake drill.  Instinctively, I grabbed my coat on the way out.

I know, right?  I know you're thinking: how are you this dumb?  I don't really know.  I hiked out to the back of the parking lot only to discover that it was probably already about 65 degrees.  Kids were wearing T shirts and they were perfectly fine.  I looked like I was all set to go on some sort of Nordic holiday.  They're all dressed for California weather and I'm freaking Mary Poppins, minus a parrot-head umbrella.  Worse, instead of standing on the field like they said we'd do, we had to stand on the blacktop for about 20 minutes.  My poor shins and feet couldn't take it.  The price of fierceness is to steep sometimes.  Ouch.

I wish I'd just thought to layer over something non-racerbacky, but I couldn't take off the sweater at work because I wasn't wearing racerbacky undergarments.  It was a huge-scale fail.  It didn't end with work either.  Once I was home I decided to go for a short little run--in all cotton clothes.  Shoot me now.  I felt heavy and drenched with sweat the whole time.  I think I had at least fifty pounds of drag (resistance?  I'm not sure of the terminology for my giantness here...) pulling me down at all times.

Today I just couldn't pull my stuff together.  I'm now in my favorite cozy pants and purple tank, and I will not be getting off the couch for the rest of the night, thank you very much.


  1. I also failed at dressing today - good to know I'm not the only one!
    I wore a sherpa lined fleece hoodie over a tshirt that I don't really like (thought it wouldn't be showing much), with jeans, and my Ugg (fur lined) moccasins. I was a furry failure!
    Great job on the run! I wish I had time today, but I have my first graded writing assignment due tomorrow, along with some reading.
    Have a FABULOUS Friday!

  2. I've done that a few times... it sucks. Here in Louisiana when we are undergoing our sllloooow transition to fall one day it can be 60 something with low humidity and the next day it's 90 something (not kidding) and 100% humidity. It's like weather roulette....Spin your closet and maybe your outfit will match the weather!