Friday, September 18, 2009

Friday blahg

Is it bad if grapes have a metallic taste?

I'm thinking that it is. I never did really trust school lunches. Yep, I'm writing during class again, this time while my students read silently. They're actually doing that, which is amazing me. I have oodles to grade, but I'm setting myself up for a marathon day at Starbucks (Saturday?) to grade essays. I can't grade those here--they take too much concentration, and they're the kind of thing I need to grade all in one sitting, not a little at a time. Joy. I can't wait. No, really. I can't.

It's a busy weekend, but I have to say I'm not really looking forward to that. Since E's disappointing news, we have really withdrawn into our shell. That isn't' a bad thing, necessarily--I think that when life gets rough, we tend to narrow our circles and take care of the people closest to us. But I've had a really absentminded week; I've forgotten to return calls, forgotten what I was doing or what to bring with me when I go somewhere, and just generally felt a little disoriented. I like that when stressed, I tend to draw my focus in, but it just always leaves me a little skittish when I have to return to the real world. Unfortunately, I can't stay in my lil' fam cocoon forever.

I don't know--I'm not in a bad mood, just a weird mood. I feel like E's been home all week but we haven't really spent any time together. We're not really talking, which is never a good thing. You know what I mean--we're not giving each other the silent treatment or anything--we're just talking but it's all the stuff like "what's for dinner? "I don't know, what did you thaw out?" "Did Ad do her homework yet?" "What's your plan for the rest of the night?" and then we don't actually have a real conversation because by the time we could, we're both just too tired. I'm not really adjusted to his new work schedule or the fact that he's driving to Tahoe and back one day a week. I'm still nervous about him getting a paying job. Henry started preschool this week and neither one of us remembered to take a picture of the poor kid. Roo's been the same ol'-same ol', which means cheery and well-behaved, but even she is just a little on the tired side. I wore a HAT to work today for God's sake... just so I could sleep an extra half hour. I just feel kind of "off."

I'm blah. Welcome to my blah-g. Oh, that was terrible. I'm sorry. I didn't even write yesterday because I was so annoyed with myself and I wasn't going to resort to a third day of 'tired as heck, nothing interesting to say' blogging. So let me just get it all out in one big whine. I'm just bummed out about some things. No money = #1 still. Or not enough. Giant, infected blister that's still on the bottom of my foot? That's #2. Missing my friends at work because I have a different lunch period than almost everyone I want to see? That's a sad #3. I don't feel nearly as connected at work this year since my break's not with the same people that ordinarily break up the crazy with some funny. I don't know... I'm just spending too much time lately thinking about what I don't have and what other people do. April likes this quote and it's apt: "Comparison is the thief of joy." Word.

Enough negativity. I think I'm just tired. I have so many blessings to count that it's silly to whine away like this. I know the mood will pass in a few days. And on a serious and sad note, a close friend of mine lost her mother yesterday after a prolonged and difficult few months. My heart really goes out to her, and it's a good reminder that the bad days and the yuck days are nothing compared to the struggles some people are facing. I hope that you're all surrounded by people that you love this weekend, that you're comfortable and safe, and that you find some moment of joy in whatever you do.

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