Friday, August 28, 2009

Making it work? Project Runway thoughts after Ep. 2

There is no joy for me like diving headlong into a full TiVo queue. It's like a full bucket of cookie dough ice cream, untouched and ripe for consumption. Mmm... I have to say that the sense of fulfillment is even greater when it's something I really enjoy, a la Biggest Loser, Californication, Mad Men, or Project Runway.

I wanted to blog about Tim and the gang last week, but I have to say that the four hour extravaganza that was the premiere left me bereft of energy and with a touch of sensory overload. This week I've come to my senses and the abundance of chicken imagery and strangely misspelled names warrants comment. I can't stands it no more.

Okay. Let's talk for a minute about last week. Glad to see diaper lady go home, though I thought her design would have worked well as a soccer ball. She was just weird. I think they always through a weirdo in there just to see what happens. It's like throwing something at the wall to see if it will stick. It didn't. Moving on. I also couldn't believe that Mr. Naked Nightgown Guy didn't get eliminated. I think "nude" should basically disqualify you no matter what. The Emperor's New Clothes parallels are astounding. I would have auf'ed two in one episode. Totally. I would have gone all "Tyra" and just changed the rules of my own game, right there in the middle. The next person I am going to eliminate is... Right after I call this person's name... The person will be... And the name I will call is... Sorry to mix Tyra in. Realities are blending together. You'd never get that from Heidi though.

So Nudie is back this week, and so are a bunch of other randoms that haven't done much that made me go I need to pay attention to you besides the menstrual guy who had to go all Aunt Flo on Tim last week. Hey bro, man up. God bless Tim for seeing him through, though, you know? Tim's just amazing. Just one of those people you just want to know and meet for coffee. Like Bonnie Hunt. Or maybe he's nothing like that to you at all; I digress.

So this week's challenge is designing for an "actual celebrity" (as opposed to a pseudo-celebrity? HA.) who happens to be the long-ago pregnant Rebecca Romijn. I love that they filmed this so long ago that her kids are practically in the third grade. Way to take forever to bring the show back, guys. I knew it was in the can for a long time before it aired, but it just made me laugh. Also, it made me really want to give a high five to Ms. Romijn for being a total BA and getting her figure back so quickly after twins. So she wants to celebrate her curves. Translation: don't make me look like a whale, but I want to look pregnant.

Can we talk for a minute about Qristyl? (Kris-tal, not KWr-istill, as I am sure you and the English language would have us believe it is pronounced.) I have no problem with her, I just have a lot of questions. I may need some counseling regarding this name. Go ahead and start your name with a Q, girl, but where's the love for a "U"? Q without U is like PB without J. It's just hard on the tongue. The Q gets stuck in my throat without U to keep things movin'. Beyond that though, it just seems like you're setting yourself up to have the conversation where they go Kwristill? and you're all No, Kristal... so why not simplify? I mean if her parents named her this, then she's just kind of stuck... these are just the things I wonder every time the chyron rolls. It hurts me. It would be like calling myself HeatMMMQher with four M's and a silent Q. (Bonus points for knowing the source of that nerd humor.)

Design-wise, it seemed like this might be a difficult one for some of the designers. Where does the belly go? Not good, dude. Not good. There were some really beautiful things. I loved the detail on the winning design, Shirin's burgundy dress with the lined coat. Gorge. Nobody wants to look gross, and she totally hit the mark in the pretty department. I also really liked the navy gown with the (grosgrain?) ribbon detail, but by the lack of boob coverage, it was obvious that Althea hasn't ever been preggers. Pregnant boobs look at tops like that and laugh. Then they march on voluptuously and do their own thing, refusing to be cowed or contained.

Nudie didn't really bring it. Nice shorts, dude. The fact that they were large enough for two girls to stand in told us that maybe you weren't quite in the realm of understanding the pregnant physique.

But nothing, and I mean NOTHING compared to the train wreck hot messness that was Malvin and his chicken/egg fertility look. Never mind the fact that the final design looked like a burlap baby sling... by the time we got to the final scene, we already knew about the complete freak show that was Malvin. He totally reminds me of the head goth kid from South Park. His whole design was a tribute to fertility imagery, namely in the form of the chicken. It's okay, dude. I get the whole fertility motif. You just took it to the line, and then you took it five miles past the line. No pregnant chick (pun intended) wants to resemble anything that waddles, specifically any birds. Man, it made me laugh. I'm going for a chicken leg look. Yeah, you are. Women really like feeling like they have a giant gut/butt and little skinny legs that pooch out at the thigh. Winner. Auf Wiedersehen, buddy.

And oh, Ra'mon? C'mere a sec. When pregnant, we also like to avoid the whole bowling ball bag look. Kthanksbye. And Louise? I'm keeping my eye on you, you wannabe Diablo Cody, you. Your nightgown with hand-dyed lace was pretty, and I'm pretty sure you're going to be interesting slash a vampire. I'll be watching.

I know I'm not telling you anything new, only that I agree with Heidi, NeeenaGarceeuh and the gang. I also felt like the runway got totally CHOPPED last night. It was way too short. I hope this isn't a portent of things to come. I don't know if that was because they were over on content, or because they've decided to retool it for Lifetime. I so enjoy the runway! The best part for me is seeing the final designs. It went by in a blip last night. It was so choppy and spliced. So sad. Bring back the full Runway, PR.

Project Runway, I'm so glad you're back. To the rest of you: Carry on!

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