Thursday, May 07, 2009

Short run + excuses + update

I promised myself I'd blog about running, to keep myself accountable.

*sigh*

It's been another disappointing week. It's not over yet. I'm not dead... I feel like taking a walk... I feel happy... [bonk]. (Can you name the reference? Hint: fling out your sled!) I'm going to try to regain my composure and my stamina, but so far it has been weak sauce.

I know you're reading this and you're all Hey, PDawg, it was weak sauce last week too and you were all excuses and not much run back then either. Yeah, well to you I say Good Day, sir. GOOD DAY.

I don't know. It's more excuses this week from yours truly. It wasn't raining, but I was tired, and then I had cramps, and then (did I just lose the two male readers I had?) I don't really have a good reason. Today was the AP test and Tuesday night was Fondue night with the family and I just didn't get to it. Today I only went because E guilted me into it by calling me lazy and trying to trash talk, which only made me cry some hormoney tears, and then made him have to come in and say okay, will you run if I run with you? and then made me basically just go because I was tired of the conversation being about how I hadn't run in three days. Meanwhile, E is standing there, shaking his fuzzy head, going oh my God, I am about to remarry this whackadoodle.

My Crazies have been acting up again, and though running is probably the most likely physical activity to counteract my symptoms, it is ironically also the least enticing activity when Crazy. Anxiety is such a creeper. I'm okay right now, but maybe you can understand it this way: I can push it down for a while, but it's lurking. You know how when you're motion-sick, even the slightest nudge or nasty smell can send you into the full throes of vomiting? Yeah, I'm like that right now. I'm about to barf up anxiety. The surface tension is amazing. One drop of stress and my nutso runneth over. I need to run and get it out.

Anyway, back to my run with newly besneakered E (and Cal, who also joined us). It was nice. I decided I'd take E on the "short loop" I do, which means running from my house past my parents' house, to the lake, and back. It seems the easiest of my neighborhood loops, and that may or may not be because I feel like I'm close to home and close to Mom and Dad, and I like the lake. Who knows. But running this short loop of 1.8 (or 2.0, depending on if I run the courts off my street when I get back) feels notably shorter than running the 2.0 through the unfamiliar neighborhoods to our direct North or West. Don't ask me why.

No iPhone/ headphones today, because running with headphones in when you have company is rude, don't you think? So already I was swimming upstream. I've heard it said on running forums that music is a drug... if you run too often with it, then you're not a "real" runner. Boo to that. I like my runner's podcasts, and I like running to the one that's 161 BPM. It helps me keep going and establish a consistent (albeit slow) pace. I don't like to hear myself wheeze and choke and phlegm. Yes, phlegm as a verb.

Cal also doesn't exactly "get" the leash thing. Leash= tug of war. His other goal when we run is to clothesline me and watch me eat pavement in the full view of any spectators driving by. I haven't let him get me yet, but I live in fear. And then there's E. My love.

Let's chat about E, shall we? The dude had his body fat tested the other night, just for laughs, and it was 9%. NINE PERCENT, DO YOU HEAR ME? That's really cool, given that I had mine tested two days before and it was 31%. Yes. THIRTY FREAKING ONE. Guess how much exercise E does? Guess how many fruits and veggies and grams of fiber he eats in a day? Guess how many sweets he avoids, and how many trans fat foods he has cut from his diet? Guess how many weeks E has been running? The answer to all of those questions is the same: NONE .

Not fair, not fair, not fair. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!

Here's me, running for almost four weeks now, and not seeing a single GeeDee pound of weight loss. My scale is permanently stuck at 150. Here's E, running all of twice with me, and out-running me both times. When I run with him, I want to die, of exhaustion, frustration, and asphyxiation. Don't know what that last one means? I don't breathe good. I try and try to keep up and then I just have to stop and walk like a dweeb and see him look at me like Really? No, really? It's a Catch-22, if Catch-22 wasn't funny and was just sad and pitiful. Major Major Major Majorly PITIFUL.

Like I said before, I'm dying for the company on most runs, but I really wonder if it can be E. He's too accidentally fit for my fragile ego. He's the running equivalent of the girls in ballet class who just had those hips that would disjoint so they could lift their legs 180 degrees with no effort. Meanwhile, I was shivering, drooling, and stuttering in a corner like Gollum; I was about to burst a vein out of sheer covetousness and obsession over even hitting the splits for one day. I love E, and I love his company, but running with him right now makes me feel like what I've been doing isn't good enough.

beautiful, legit dancer pic found here, before I appropriated it for my disturbing graphic

It is good enough. It's great. Even if I'm not fast, I'm doing so much for my heart, my lungs, and my habits. I know all that. I have to keep it in perspective. It's not about keeping up with him--I've never been able to do that. He's faster at math, he's a better speller, he's got lower body fat, he's more spatially adept than me, his SAT score was 10 points higher... It's not a competition. What I am doing is great, for me. I need to focus on that, and celebrate the fact that I made this goal for myself only, and I'm doing it. I started on April 13. It's May 7, and I haven't quit.

Maybe we can run together in two or three years. I still won't be down to 9% body fat. If that ever happens to me, call an ambulance, because it means I haven't eaten in two months.

11 comments:

  1. Just want to say you're a hoot, and if it makes you feel any better I've neglected bike riding for every reason possible in the last two weeks.

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  2. That is the same thing that happens with Dan! I have been running for months...and I am barely at 2.5 mi. Dan gets up off the couch after months of inactivity and runs a 3 mi loop in less than 30 minutes. I have to do it consistently everyday or I get winded and tired easily. I think you should run with someone who is a similar pace. Do you want to run the 5k with me in Folsom on May 16? Oh and I read in a runners magazine that you only burn something like 100 cal per mi. So if you want to lose weight you have to cut out that extra cookie. Another thing with the bodyfat is you need to lift weights. You can lower your body fat by doing cardio and weight training. At least that is what a rep from Calfit told me. Keep running the same loop and you will find you get faster, it will get easier, and you will be in better physical condition. Kayda

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  3. Oh and I also find that when I run with Dan, I get discouraged and it makes me want to stop...so I usually just go by myself and find I am in a better mental state. Kayda

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  4. I am watching what I eat. I do tons of conditioning and strengthening at work (dance teacher, remember?)... still no weight loss. It's okay. It will happen. I'm just impatient.

    I can't on the 16th... we're super busy that entire weekend. Thanks for the offer though!

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  5. Hey coach! :) I stumbled upon your blog today and read of couple of your posts. Congrats with the running! I have been trying for years to stay with running and I have determined that is something I despise and would rather not do. So I did a triathlon instead...Not an Iron man or anything but kind of a half triathlon. Because I am now a college student also working 30 hr per week job I'm not dancing anymore so I'm going to calfit with the hopes of getting my dancer body back! Well...I hope you remember me, but if not, oh well! Good luck!
    Jeni Shipley

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  6. I thought you were cutting back on dancing...and I am no dancer so I have no idea what kind of strengthening and conditioning you do. I am not saying that I am an expert and I haven't lost weight by running either. I am just trying to offer some opinions I have heard from trainers...sheesh! :-)

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  7. *sigh* I'm just tired. didn't mean to sound jerky. I appreciate the feedback. :)

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  8. I didn't mean to sound jerky either. At least you have a vacation coming up soon right! Cheer up, deep breaths, if you can't or don't want to run, go for walks. :-)

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  9. That E guy sounds awesome.

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  10. I think you're looking at this competitive thing in a negative light and you should focus on the positive aspect of it. You have a companion that naturally challenges you to constantly improve yourself and that's awesome! He's not telling you, you need to change, he's inspiring you to achieve his greatness and vice versa! I'm sure you inspire him with your awesomeness, as well! Try not to compare yourself to a man because it's a lose-lose battle. Men are structed different. They have more muscle mass, therefore, allowing them to burn more body fat than us females, but then again you already know this because you have a PE credential! DUH!
    So, cut yourself some slack and realize how much you've accomplished! I'm proud of you and have even challenged myself to run a bit more, lately. Keep on keepin' on...remember you're AWESOME!!! (And yes, I did just right in all caps because I was screaming it at you!) ;-)

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  11. Ugh, typo correction: write not right. Sorry...anyway, you get the idea! ;-)

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