Friday, May 22, 2009

Random Ramblings, AKA PDawg's Off Her Rocker

What's new, right?

I'm in the computer lab at school with my 6th period Jazz Dance II class. They're (supposed to be) working on the finishing touches to their final choreography project, which includes a research-based reflection about their influences and the genre of dance they've chosen. My grades are basically done. We play this game where they act like they've been working on it in class for two weeks and I act like they are on task but we both know they're going to do it at home on Monday night, the day before it's due. No sweat though, computer lab days are number two on my list of favorite teaching days, right above essay-writing days and just below silent reading days. Plus, the air conditioner works in here, and back in the ol' dance studio, it's week two of zero AC. That was awesome for tryouts yesterday, BTW.

Speaking of tryouts, I think I am officially finished with the school dance company. I believe ::fingers crossed::

...wait, hold up. We just got kicked out of the lab by another class. To my credit, it was open on the schedule. No, I didn't actually sign up for it, but it was open. We found space in the library, where I could resume my supervisory/blogging activities. Anyway... as I was saying:

I believe this is my last obligation for the company, which means I am 100% free. Not gluten free, but teenage dancer free. Feels good. Feels like I lost 1000 pounds of complaining, ungrateful weight. It's good that I'm going now. I have some more feelings on the subject that I'll likely post after the end of the school year (this is the part where I get all scaredy about posting things about people who I am currently teaching) but it's good to know that I'll have the free time, and I'll be free of about 90% of the most difficult parent contact I have now. I'm also keeping my fingers crossed that I get 7th period prep next year, because that will save me a boatload of money on daycare for Ad. If that works out, I'll be able to pick her up from school every day. I can't wait.

Sometimes I get so frustrated that this is my job. On the way to school this morning I was fantasizing about having a job where I show up and only deal with myself all day, or whatever task is in front of me, and no teenagers. I love all the freedom that comes with this job, but the side effect is that I am perpetually slave to the doldrums of high school. For all of the same reasons that the kids get antsy about being here, I start feeling angsty and wanting a change at the end of the year. So much of teaching high school is such BS, it has nothing to do with teaching or actually affecting anyone in a positive way. It's made me really cynical. Ugh. It must be the end of the year. Whine, whine, complain, complain.

I have law school on the brain. Ever since E's graduation... well, since Mock Trial this year and since he asked me to help him study for his first law school exam four years ago... I've been dreaming about being a student again. Not for a while. Not my time right now. Patience and fortitude, as Addie would say.

Stupid fortitude.

I can't wait for this three-day weekend, followed by going to Disneyland with my mom next weekend. And summer. Oh, summer! It's going to be PDawg +2 for most of the summer as E studies for the Bar... I'm trying not to even think about him being around so when he can be, it's a happy surprise. I hope it is tolerable. I hope I'm not too lonely. I keep telling myself that it's different now, it's not like before when I didn't see him because a) we couldn't be in the same room, or b) we were, like, you know, GETTING A DIVORCE. Now I know he digs me back, and he's putting in the effort to make that known on a regular basis. We're going around like newlyweds, we're so leftover happy from our last week of vacations and vow-renewing. Life is good. Even when it's hard, it's good. I think about when I started this blog, just after the New Year, and how bleak life looked. I was staring down singleness and single parenthood and I was scared to death. I faced it, and I did it. That is amazing to me in itself. E and I coming back together just proves to me more than anything that anything is possible. I wish there was a way to say that which I hadn't cliched out already, but that's the best possible way to say it.

It's going to be a good summer, followed by an even better year. E is going to have a job (well, that's the plan, anyhoo!) I'm going to be teaching some new things, and I'm going to allow myself time to be a mom to the two best monkey-monks on the planet. And this weekend, I'm going to allow myself to do nothing! Ha!

I could really go for an iced soy toffee-nut latte right now, in case you were wondering.

1 comment:

  1. Aren't you going to miss teaching dance, at least a little bit?

    As you are so excited to get out of this director/coach thing, I am ecstatic to get into it. Sure, I haven't done much lately. But, it makes me so happy. I love being with the girls. But, then again...before this, and today, I spend all my time inside my apartment taking care of a 7 month old and leaving blog comments. I need to get out.

    So, this summer. We should hang. I'll be in the grove for practices and probably some other days too. Also, we are having a team party for drill on June 13th but someone needs to be water certified. I think Val is trying to get certified by then. But whether she does or not, you are invited. I know your not on the team, but you're invited to just hangout with me and Val. And you can bring your kids of course.

    This comment is long. I'm allowed to right now because Emery is sleeping.

    The end.