Saturday, April 25, 2009

Queen of Charts: Planning vs. Doing

I've said it before. I like planning things more than I like actually following through and doing them. My Gpa always says this:

Whenever a task is set for you, don't idly sit and view it, nor wish it done, but begin at once and do it!

That's cool, but let me be frank. (Hi, Frank!) Sometimes I like sitting idly, and viewing it. IS THAT SO WRONG???

I like planning. I'm the Queen of Charts. I like seeing things all in their pretty boxes on a spreadsheet. I plan things that happen, and some that never do. Parties, vacations, lesson plans, careers, savings and debt reduction plans, entire units of study. I just like the challenge. When I was a college student, I cared way more about finageling the perfect schedule than I did actually attending, say, Nature and Culture, or Geology. Bleh. But if I could make Geology fill the time slot between Late Shakespearean Lit and Medieval Medicine, than that was the class for me.

Fun fact: The one thing I remember from Medieval Medicine was that they believed in the balance of the four humours: black bile, phlegm, blood, and yellow bile. I know. Just savor that for a minute. They believed in a balance of the four, that the four were linked to the seasons of the year, and that if one took over, you started to have some problems. I know quite a few people with an excess of black bile, if you know what I'm sayin'. Anyway, I'm not going to get my Medieval (or as one of my students put it this year, Mid-Evil) medical degree anytime soon. I failed that class. It was the semester I got engaged. What do you want from me?

Scheduling, charts, planning... these are the stuff of my dreams. It's not as much fun actually doing the stuff, generally. Occasionally I have this problem, and I am having it right now. Sometimes I will plan and re-plan and double check my planning for something but I get a kind of anxiety about moving forward. So I don't do anything and then pretty soon I either run out of time or I have to scramble around to make it happen. I don't really like being disappointed, so I'm afraid to take action on the initial plan for fear it won't pan out. Good Lord, does that even make sense? Probably not. Maybe you should find yourself a nice blog about puppies or something and quit trying to unravel the enigma that is me.

This is going on right now. As you know, E and I are renewing our vows next Month. I wrote about it here, and the reasons for it here and even though I didn't set out to make a poem about it, this poem accidentally ended up being about it. And if you've just showed up here and you don't know what the heck any of this is that I'm talking about, here's the long story short. E and I separated in the fall with the intent to divorce, we decided that wasn't any better, we went to this thing called Retrouvaille, and we're working things out. We always will be. But we dig each other, so we're doing this. Forever.

Okay, I'm getting frustrated with all the interruptions I am creating for myself, and I'm sorry that the last paragraph had more "catch-you-up" info than the first chapter of a Left Behind book, so I'll move on now.

So E and I are doing this whole vow renewal thing, and we want to have some form of time off together in some sort of proximity to that day, summer time, and his graduation from law school. Yep, it's going to be E, esq. pretty soon. Or is it E, J.D.? You know, I don't know, and it doesn't even really matter to me. He's finished with law school next week, then he finishes finals mid-May and starts prep for the Bar exam two days later. So time's tight. Making matters infinitely more complicated is the fact that my school district decided to cut two weeks off our summer this year, so I start school mid-August. Let me dance a little jig about that for you, I'm so excited. Yay school.

Here's the breakdown of my wasted planning to date:

The view from Mom and Dad's place on Kanaapali Beach

Plan #1: go to Mom and Dad's Maui Condo in August.
Plan #1 FAIL: E has to take the Professional Responsibility Exam, and it is only offered during the one week we could go to Maui.

Plan #2: go to Maui in May, the week between his final and graduation (yes, I'd have to miss a week of work. I'm sure you can hear me crying about it.)
Plan #2 FAIL: Maui condo is booked in May. Crap.

Plan #3: Cruise?
Plan #3 FAIL: E doesn't want to go on a short cruise.

Plan #4: Go to an all-inclusive in Cabo. That sounds promising, right? This plan has been around, oh, almost a week.
Plan #4 FAIL: It sounded so good. But alas, we're too close now to chance passports, and we weren't thinking we'd be leaving the country anytime soon, so we are not passport-ready in time.

Plan #5: back to the cruise? With different dates? There are different rules for cruises than flights. Maybe some time in San Diego on either side? I had a conference in SD last fall and I really liked it there. I'd like to go check it out for a little bit longer.

So it's not that I don't like doing all the internet research and such, but now I'm beginning to feel like this might not happen, no matter what. That's just the story of our lives. I try to plan stuff, and it falls through. I know I'm being a negative Nelly... I just really want this to work out. I think some time spent just the two of us would be good for me and E since we're planning on a summer (mostly) apart so he can prep for the Bar. That's inevitable.

Law School and Bar prep are tough on stable marriages. Ours is still so fragile... I don't want it to hit the bricks because things are going to get hairy. Ew, hairy bricks. It's going to be hard. This we know. I have to keep reminding myself that it's different now... I got through being a single parent before, and that was when I was so sad I could barely get out of bed. It wasn't easy, but the difference now is that I know how much he wants to be here and I know that I am not leaving no matter what. And I'm not alone in this, even when he's not here.

That's something, right? I need to stop planning and start doing.

1 comment:

  1. 1. I LOVE PLANNING!!! I love to make charts, lists, and plan things out...I have grand plans, yet do I follow through? Not so much.

    2. When we went on our cruise last year, we were told after January you have to have a passport for a cruise; no more driver's license and birth certificate.

    3. If you guys still go on a trip, PLEASE don't go to Mexico (E mentioned it might be a possibility). I don't want you to get kidnapped/tortured by the drug cartels, or get swine flu.