Sunday, April 26, 2009

Go away, Marky Mark

For starters, I'm ticked at twitterfeed, because it doesn't seem to be working today. I keep checking it expecting that it's fixed and it's exactly the same and it's making me feel like I have some kind of repetitive behavior disorder. Like I have some kind of repetitive behavior disorder. Grr.

The other gripe-worthy thing I've got goin' on is that I am freaking sick of the movie Shooter. Want to know how many times E has been watching it this weekend? I count at least three. Two of the times, it has been the exact same part. GAWD, I just don't get it. What the feez, E? It's 9:01 and the fact that I know The Celebrity Apprentice is on already is making it worse. I'm antsy. Ants in ma pants, got ants in ma pants... I know E's not clicking over out of TiVo stubbornness--he REFUSES to watch anything in real time anymore. So this THIRD time we're watching it, I'm on edge because I want to watch MY SHOW.

And a bit more detail for you: the second time was just mean. I went in the bedroom yesterday to take a nap, and he decided I shouldn't be taking a nap, so he came in the bedroom, got all up in my bidness, laid right in the middle of the bed with his elbow in my back, and turned on this god-forsaken retarded movie. How is a girl going to sleep with explosions and dog-killing? So as I sit here right now and watch Mark Wahlberg make serious eyebrows and talk about how they killed his dumb dog, I've already seen it. Danny Glover with curls of smoke framing his face? Seen it. Slow-mo running, holding a gun, flames behind his serious little Marky Mark face? Seen it. NOT INTERESTING ON THE THIRD TRY.

Hey Mark Wahlberg: Say hello to your mother for me. And PS I've had enough of your movie.

What is it about guys that they will watch the same movie when it is on all weekend? It doesn't matter if they're starting in the middle or at the end, they will watch it all out of order and the same damn parts fifty times in one weekend. You know, once I watch a movie, I'm good for a while. I don't start it unless I can catch the beginning, and then I generally like to view it in chronological order.

Movies are a little touchy around here this weekend anyway--he asks me if I want to watch something the other night, and I say sure. He knows I'm a wimp. He knows I can tolerate the suspense stuff but if I had my druthers, I'd be watching something dumb and funny (like Baby Mama) or some drama that makes me think. He knows I have a hard time watching scary stuff and movies where bad things happen to kids or it's just a bunch of killing. It's like my empathy dial is set too high. I can't take it. I know it's fake but all that does is remind me that bad things happen to somebody somewhere and then I just feel like I want to go wake up my kids and make sure they're okay and hide under the covers, clutching them. This is not good.

So Friday night he puts on a movie, Doomsday. In the first five minutes, this kid gets it in the eye. A KID GETS IT, IN THE EYE. Did you hear me? (ML, that movie isn't for you either.) I peaced out and that was it for me. I just don't need it. I have too many REAL things in my life giving me anxiety, I don't need fake fears or fake feel-bads.

Holy Pete, it's 9:21 and still no signs of turning off this movie. Hello, MacFly! You've already watched this. Why are you clinging so tightly to Marky Mark? I call a man-crush. Well, it's a toss up between the man-crush and the blowing-things-up obsession.

If you love Marky Mark, set him free. Like he did to the Funky Bunch.

*sigh* You know I love him though, right? E, not MM. I'm happy he's back, even if I'm sitting here wanting to dig my eyes out more than I want to keep watching this flick. I'm glad I have a husband who is willing to be around to bug the COMPLETE CRAP out of me, poke me with his toenails at night, and dig his elbow into my eyeball every time I roll over. As I've said before, I'm no peach. I have my moments the other 90% of the time.

I just made him a cake too--a gluten-, egg-, and dairy-free cake with chocolate frosting along the same lines. I'm going to write it up now (it was a mix, so let's not get too excited) and I'll post that in the morning with pics.

Hope you're lucky enough to have someone you love driving you completely batty tonight too.

PDawg and the Funky Bunch


  1. I am glad someone else feels the same way sometimes! KM

  2. Doomsday only gets worse. Unfortunately, the violence failed to mask the fact that the movie was stupid.