Sunday, April 12, 2009

Easter thoughts

Photo from Flickr
Holidays = reflection. So many things to think about, all rolled into one. Religious tradition, shameless commercialism, family tradition, family togetherness, (time off from work)... When I was a kid, I could not wait for birthdays and holidays. I would be out-of-my-mind excited before a holiday. I am blessed with a big family, so I always anticipated each celebration for weeks beforehand.

This past year has included some onerous holidays. Right before last Easter, E and I separated for the first time. Ouch. The transition to single mom left me numb. It also broke my heart not to be a part of his family Easter. We were back together for the summer, but by October, separated again. That meant Christmas was apart too... with no hope. None. Nada. Nil. Oh man, Christmas bit it big time. I missed E, missed being a part of a larger extended family, missed the kids when he had them, missed his family (which had been my family and suddenly was not)... it just plain crushed me. Holidays--my favorite thing in the whole world--have been really lonely and agonizing for the last year or so.

Thank goodness for change, huh? K is always telling me that nothing wonderful lasts forever, and nothing painful lasts forever either. I'm glad that for now, we're moving into this phase of healing and new life in our marriage. It's appropriate that this is all happening around Easter too--when we look at Jesus' life and his resurrection from death. It's nice to consider that our relationships can move past what Retrouvaille calls the "misery" stage (I know, isn't that lovely?) to the "awakening" stage. It's a nice reminder that by going through the difficult times, we get to the better times. What's that quote? If you're going through Hell, keep going. (Winston Churchill, I think.) I'm happy today. Happy for Spring, happy for new beginnings, happy for the promise and the gift that Easter represents, happy for family.

Yesterday was nice for me--I was back to E's family Easter with him and the kids. I've seen several of his family members, but not all of them at once since we reconnected. I was nervous. I get nervous a lot. Have you gleaned that from my blog yet? I just want things to go well. His family is huge--his mom is one of seven sisters--and I love them all, but I was nervous that it was going to be weird. I was nervous that people were sick of the back-and-forth of me and E, or that we had used out our "get out of separation free card" already. Nope. Everyone was gracious, lovely, accepting, and the same kooky family that has always loved us both. In fact, there were several really wonderful little squeezes and we're-so-happy-for-the-two-of-you-s. It was nice. It was familiar. It was family. I'll say it again: we are blessed.

I've just fished tarts #3 and 4 for the Kynaston family Easter this afternoon, and I watched the live stream of the service from the church I've been attending. Well, when I say I've been attending, I mean I was attending before Retrouvaille and school functions ate up all my weekends for the last two months. But I really like it. I wanted to go back today, but I didn't want to be one of those ChrEasters... you know, the people who only go on Christmas and Easter? Geez, I hope I didn't offend anybody. That's cool if it's your deal, but I just get kind of funny about Church on those two days. I don't know. I'd almost rather NOT go than be there and fight the crowds, and all that. Plus, God was right in my kitchen with me while I was making scrambled eggs and asparagus tarts anyway. My God is cool like that.

I thought I'd tie up this loose end too--know how I mentioned bee ropin' yesterday? Did you wonder what that was? Several years ago, my two crazy uncles decided to show the family one of their favorie passtimes from when they were kids. Apparently there is a bush in my grandparents' backyard which attracts "H" bees. I have no idea of the technical term, but according to my uncles they don't sting like regular bees (and if you look at them sideways, they have an H on their backs). They would catch them in their hands, tie a string around the bees' necks--YES, I AM SERIOUS--and then let the bees fly around like they were on a leash. My family is awesome. Another variation was to tie one bee to each end of the string and let them try to fly away from each other. Good times. Ah, good times.
Photo from Flickr
Don't write me hate mail, bees. Happy Beester.


  1. Happy Easter my friend! I'm so glad that this one is a thousand times better than last year for you. Here's to fabulous holidays from here on out! Hope the kids had a good day too. :) <3 MLB