Wednesday, March 11, 2009

This is how I know

that it's show time right now:
  • I haven't straightened my hair in a month.
  • I haven't even used my hairdryer in several weeks. I have permanent pigtails. (My cop-out hairdo of choice.)
  • Every morning, I convince myself that mascara, brow liner, and a little powder are actually enough makeup. (They are not. You've seen me. You get it. Tragic.)
  • My car looks like a combination fast food trash bin/dirty laundry hamper.
  • My children started asking me when I'm going to take "all that junk" out of the car so they can put their feet down.
  • Said children also asked how much longer I'm going to be grumpy because I'm always tired and when I'm always tired I'm always a grump.
  • Cereal for dinner. Often. Potato chips for lunch. And today, cake. So healthy.
  • I haven't done dishes since Sunday.
  • I throw some dog food at the dogs every night and rush back in the house before they can make eye contact and guilt me into feeling bad about what a terrible pet owner I am right now.
  • Every morning, I choose 25 more minutes of pressing snooze above such luxuries as eating, putting together an outfit, being on time.
  • I told my kids at school to not even ask me about getting their essays back until April. That went over well.
  • I have to leave myself post-it notes that say things like "eat lunch."
  • It's a tough call every day at lunch time between eating and napping.
  • Normally I live for email. I wait for email to come, just so I can respond. Now I just open the ones that I think are from angry people.
  • Everything I brought home from work for the last three days is in a pile by the front door. You could analyze the strata like rock.
  • I have a hard time waiting for my kids' bedtime to roll around so I can finally go to sleep.
  • I try to convince my children to play games like "take a nap with mommy" or "the quiet game."
  • My outfit every day for the last two weeks: jeans, t shirt, sweatshirt, flip flops.
  • I am a puddle of a person on the couch all night. The artist formerly known as P.

My fingers feel too heavy to lift anymore. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

(I wish.)

Piece out.

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